I miss picking out the adorable matching Christmas dresses, shopping for the perfect gift, staying up late to stuff the stockings and bring out the gifts and most of all the look on their faces Christmas morning. As Christmas approaches in our childless home, there are no gifts under our partially decorated tree and no thrills, smiley faces or big messes of wrapping paper and piles of boxes to look forward to.
I miss trying to keep the Santa secret. I loved to see those eyes light up in excitement, I always felt a flutter in my heart. I miss using the "you better behave if you want Santa to visit you". Answering questions like "Mom, how will Santa get into our house without a chimney?" and "Mom, how did you get the same wrapping paper Santa used last year?"
However, I often felt guilty lying as I'm sure most people do. The year "Free Willy" came out on video right before Christmas (1994?), Whitney could not wait to get the movie and I lied and told her the movie wasn't out yet but maybe Santa could get it. And guess what? He did. The gift was so simple yet Whitney was so amazed. Just like the year before when Chelsea got her red big wheel she road all around the inside and outside of the house until she was too big and I had to break her heart and take it away.
I recently heard "White Christmas" and instantly teared up remembering Whitney performing the song in sign language with her kindergarten class during their "Teddy Bears Christmas" show.
Where did those little girls go? Christmas will never be the same without them.
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